It's been a while since I updated and much has happened. I could probably write enough for Matthew, Mark, Luke and John put together but I'm going to try to not go too overboard so as to not put you to sleep . We'll start with an update on the physical me and then slightly delve into the mental abyss of Siri.
Physical update:
I went to my orthopedic appointment this week and spoke with a wonderful young woman who was running ragged between patients. I questioned everything I've been told and she was kind enough to take time out to answer me. I was originally told BEDrest for 90 days and NO boot for 90 days but here I am after one month with a boot and in a wheelchair. She said bedrest isn't what it once was, it more means I can NOT put any pressure on my foot for 90 days and I need to keep it up in the air. Furthermore she said the surgeons will always give you worst case scenario because so many patients do NOT follow doctor's orders and patients also heal differently depending on overall health. I'm not complaining because being able to sometimes sit up in a wheelchair has been the biggest blessing - I've felt like a human!! And I guess the half marathons, the bodybuilding and my general history of training has paid off and in some ways I'm healing very well thus far. In terms of whether I will run or walk again it's far too early to tell. I have large pieces of my foot and leg that have no feeling in them and I'm unable to flex my toes or my foot. These nerves may or may not grow back - the sweet lady doctor told me the earliest we will know is three months from now. She said most likely I will walk again but with a gait. Probably no more high heels (help I LOVE my heels!!!) but then she said none of this will matter because I'm cute. Well bless her for feeding my ego - it surely soaked it up like a brand new Dyson vacuum cleaner!! I start physical therapy on January 23rd but it will be very minor things such as having someone flex my foot back and forth for me. In summary: my free flap is doing good in all it's ugliness, I have a boot on to hold my foot at 90 degrees and at times I can sit in a wheelchair as long as my foot is up in the air.
Emotional update:
I had 4 of my angels travel here for New Years. To have them sit with me as opposed to ringing in the new year at a fancy bash made me feel incredibly loved (on New Year's Eve a pile of my Sardis peeps also surprised me by coming over to spend the magic midnight moment with me ). Ty's parents were kind enough to offer up their house for us to stay at as Happy Lane is far too small. It was very magical and also very emotional. One morning I refused to get up and pretended to be asleep while in reality I cried in the bedroom for 4 hours. Ty looked worn out and distant and I feared I was not making him happy. Couple this with flashbacks to the hospital when I thought I had died resulted in me crying myself into an award worthy panic attack and the girls found me in a heap of snot and tears. I unloaded all the scary things that had happened to me at the hospital such as being aware of everything around me while still being under amnesia and the fear of having lost my mind when I was hallucinating due to having morphine shot into my arm every 15 minutes for weeks on end. It's a known fact that this can happen to people and we read it's important to get help as soon as possible after such an experience as it can result in PTSD. One of my angels called a counselor who specializes in trauma and I actually went to see her today. Poor Ty I'm guessing gets overwhelmed (he's so stoic that he won't always admit it.) But seeing me in so much pain and not being able to do anything has been tough on him. As a man he takes care of all the practical things. In the hospital he wouldn't let anyone else bathe me or change my bedding or even deal with my bedpans (which at the hight of my infection was up to 15 stinky times a day). But I need emotional support and by that I mean I need to see his smile and I need a hug here and there - even in the midst of all the duties he handles for us day in and day out. When I cry he asks "what can I do?" But there isn't much to do and the girls told him to just hold me and stroke my hair when I get in a panic. I also texted him an article from Psychology Today called "10 ways to give emotional support" and since then we are back to being two peas in a pod. I recommend EVERYONE who is part of a couple to read this short, simple article.
Well my update was long and somewhat boring but I want you to know your support is helping me move forward. The bills are piling in and I'm using your donations to pay the ones that are moving me forward to get me well again. Other bills such as the $5,000 from the ER here in Oxford will go unpaid but I'm spending parts of my days renegotiating and seeing if there is financial assistance available. As a former banker who has always had insurance and guarded her credit in a Fort Knox worthy manner, it's devastating to see it go down the toilet . But moving here to be with my Ty is worth it all. He is my rock! And all of you are stars ✨ in my sky!
PS: on New Years I received one of the compliments that has meant the most to me in my lifetime. When amazed that people I've known less than two years chose to spend New Years with me, one of them said: "Siri you came here to Oxford and you are magnificent. Not only that but when you met us you treated us as if WE were magnificent and we love you for it!" Needless to say I started crying because indeed I DO have some very magnificent friends and I count all of you who have supported me as one of them. Until next time my friends.