Prepare yourself for lots of good news! I finally had my surgery #6 and from what I'm being told (and from the part I can see) it was a success! Much of it is covered in gauze and the unveiling will be one week from today. They removed the staples from prior surgeries and added some new ones. I was so happy when the doctors told me that all went well that I started crying because I can never thank them enough (although I'm going to try).
And more good news.... today (Thursday) I'm to meet with a physical therapist and a social worker to find out what I can do and not do when I GO HOME FRIDAY and they are going to share with me what kind of equipment I will need and how I'm to be transported back and forth to Memphis on a minimum weekly basis in the coming months.
I still don't know if my body will accept the skin flap or if I will develop foot drop but today was a GREAT day because it felt like PROGRESS!!!
There's been so many days laying here in the hospital bed just waiting but today I felt like I was moving forward!
Like you can't recognize good without evil my day also had a darker side to it ...
Hence I'm writing this at 3.30 am Thursday even though my surgery was early in the morning Wednesday. Now not only am I feeling stabbing, chewing pains in my foot, but I feel as if my whole leg has landed in the fireplace and there is no fire extinguisher to be found. My mind starts playing tricks on me and at times attempts to convince me that since I'm having all this pain, it must mean something is going awry with my leg. I get clingy with Ty (but fortunately for him I'm confined to the bed so he can escape lol), tears start pooling in my eyes and I start sweating and feel hot and cold interchangeably and somehow I want to escape myself! The intelligent part of my brain tells me it's normal to have pain when I'm only hours out from having had surgery and with Ty's help (he has learned to not speak sternly to me about getting a grip but to hug me or just hold my hand) I take a hold of the anxiety and get back to reality. But then there's the feeling stupid part. Feeling like a baby. But several of you have messaged me to share your own experience with anxiety and I am practicing telling myself this does not mean I'm weak and that it's ok.
I've always seen beauty in most everything in life. Even in the ugly I will see something worthwhile. But after the shock of the accident, the pain of the surgeries, the confusion of the pain medicine, I had some dark days where I felt the world was all scary and a place full of fear. I felt like a kid who finds out Santa isn't real. I couldn't imagine ever wanting to step foot outside again if I somehow made it through. But oh my gosh has this feeling changed! And it has changed because of all of YOU!
When Siri's Angels started the Go Fund Me they asked me if it was ok first. I had mixed feelings because there was an element of embarrassment over it. But oh am I glad I agreed to it because the most amazing things keep happening over and over which has reestablished AND strengthened my belief in a beautiful world!
I've had complete strangers donate and send me kind words, I had a person I sat next to on a flight once donate, I've had a multitude of people from the island I grew up on in Norway donate - even though we don't know each other very well, I've had people from a discussion forum online donate - even though I've never met most of them in real life (RL as we call it), I've had high school friends of Ty's mother donate, I've had a girlfriend's new boyfriend donate - even though we've never met. One day I met a beautiful dog and I asked the owner if I could take a picture for my daughter, and he donated to getting me back on my feet. I couldn't possibly list all the incredible people who have reached out to me but it ranges from complete strangers, to brief encounters, to casual friends, friends of friends and of course the most incredible group of friends and family I have.
I apologize for the long update but in summary...
Santa has returned and a world I saw as scary I now see as generous, hopeful and full of infinite kindness.
And I'm learning from all of you that I am not a baby but that maybe - even if I cry - I am a tiny bit courageous?
Thank you for sharing my story - as you do I hear from more and more enthralling people and this journey now has so many great, colorful aspects to it.
~Love from me
The picture shows current status of the leg: much improved. The bandage at the top of the thigh is where they took skin today, the long scar that stretches from my groin to my knee is where they took out a big rectangular piece of skin, muscle and tissue to create the skin flap you see below the wishbone shaped incision below my knee. The stitches on the knee itself is where they went in to pull my one artery through to get blood supply to my lower leg and the bandage at the bottom is where I had the skin graft to close the wounds during today's surgery.